Lost but not last

It’s nearly been 14 months since I left the school that fed me well, physically and materialistically, to gain mental and academic freedom.

And I’ve undergone quite a few challenges: being a novice teacher trainer, a lecturer, and a researcher. I wouldn’t say I’m free, not yet. Time management (or maturity?) is still a serious puzzle. I tend to say YES to all requests at my new workplace. I tend to regret just 5 seconds after that. I tend to forget what really fulfills me.

Emptiness.

When you’re overwhelmed.  When everything you’re up to is only half-way. When you have like 10 ambitious plans, all of which are partly executed. And none shows tangible outcomes.

I’m aware of my lack of professional directions: I don’t know what I’m heading to or what I want to be. A drifting log might have my companion.

Last week my first official observation was terrible. I prepared lessons for 3 hours the night before, but I ended up with teaching the lesson which I didn’t think I would cover. Sometimes you should taste insanity?

Two basic questions I’m still figuring out at the moment:

  1. How can I help my learners succeed? 
  2. How can I make a contribution to the academic community?

For sure, I’m temporarily lost.

But with all my intentions, I do hope that this will not last.

Blogging might help?

 

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